random post

Lately my blog has received several referrals from yahoo searches for things like "redheads and braces" or something similar involving redheads. Now, being the somewhat naive girl that I am, I decided to recreate one of these searches the other day. I'm sure some of you are way ahead of me here, but I will tell you I was shocked by the results of my search. I didn't realize men were so particular about their pornography that they'd go looking specifically for redheads and the braces thing is just disgusting (for those of you as naive as me, they are not referring to orthodonture). Then I got a little giggle out of the fact that some of these sicko's found my blog and probably got excited "ohh, a redhead dancing" only to be disappointed by what they saw.
Ah, the internet. Isn't it a wonderful thing?

"nice customs court'sy to great kings" - Shakespeare

Saturday evening I went to see Henry V at Cincinnati Shakespeare Festival. It was a pretty good production. Not great praise, I realize, but about as good as it deserves. I want to go back in March to see Much Ado About Nothing. It's supposed to be set after WWII, so it should be an interesting interpretation. When I got home, several students were having a snowball fight in front of the dorm. Two of my library boys were involved and they decided to get me as I was walking in, so I joined the fight. It was alot of fun! It's been years since I've been in a snowball fight.

If you are in the Dayton, OH area and have nothing better to do on a friday night, stop by Temple Beth Or for our 20th anniversary service. The choir (which includes yours truly) will be performing A Klezmer Service by Jose Bowen. It should be fun, even for those of the non-Jewish persuasion.

I know most people don't take horoscopes seriously. In my youth, when I dabbled in the occult, I studied and became a novice practitioner in the art of astrology. I have long since abandoned those beliefs, but I still get enjoyment out of reading horoscopes, if only to laugh at how badly they're done. My favorite is free will astrology, because the title says it all. Read with skepticism; you're still in control, but here's a head's up. I'm subscribed to his weekly mailing. It's the highlight of my wednesday morning to read his advice for the week. After my obsessive episode this week, I read in the horoscope: "If necessary, have a no-nonsense conversation with yourself in which you discuss all the reasons why the satisfaction of that longing is not at all crucial to your happiness or well-being, and why, therefore, you will never again indulge in a serious fantasy about it." Do think someone, somewhere is trying to tell me something?

Warning: candid female content

Sometimes I wish fewer men read this site so I could complain more about the pitfalls of being a woman, such as monthly hormone shifts. Although I know you all can relate. Anyone who has ever lived with a woman understands these things. I absolutely hate it! (And this is usually when I write the strangest and most embarrassing posts, tonite being no exception.) I don't comprehend why I cannot control my emotions or actions for that week. Why I always make the biggest fool of myself with boys that week. Why I even care about boys that week, when most of the time I can convince myself I'm perfectly happy being single. But for some reason, I'm terribly upset about that fact right now. And I'm fixated on someone, who on paper is the perfect man, but in reality is absolutely wrong for me. Okay, I'm not going any further with this.
I know all the biological reasons for it. I get that the balance of progesterone and estrogen change during menstruation and that plays havoc with one's emotions. I just don't understand why it has to be to the point that all judgment, reason, and rationality vacate the premises during the process.

Does this scare anyone else?

This blog journalism? You've got to be kidding me!

Ain't America grand?

Surreal Life

I am not a fan of reality television. I have not seen more than 5 minutes of Survivor, avoid the matchmaking shows like the plague and although I had two roommates addicted to American Idol, I managed to get through the entire season with minimal exposure. But to say that I am not a fan of reality tv is somewhat of a lie. I LOVE What Not to Wear, still watch Trading Spaces on occasion and find myself watching While You Were Out more often than I care to admit. Are these shows not considered reality tv also? They may be more acceptable in the grand scheme of bad television, but the fact remains, they are reality tv. If we hold to the old theory that trying one little innocuous thing leads to more and stronger stuff (insert drug analogy here), then TLC started an addiction that Bravo is feeding on. Yes, I will admit to watching Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. I even checked out the new Queer Eye for the Straight Girl this week. I can rationalize this behavior with excuses that these shows do have some redeeming value. Although I can't think of any off the top of my head, I'll make the argument anyway. I knew I had a problem, though, when I started watching Bravo's Project Runway. For those not familiar with this show, they take aspiring clothes designers, give them near impossible tasks to accomplish in no time, then their clothes are modeled for judges. Whoever designs the worse piece of clothing gets kicked out. So basically, it's Survivor in the Banana Republic. I don't know why this show appeals to me. I don't know why I'm admitting this.
To read this, one might think I spend most of my time in front of the tv. That's not true. Throughout the week, I'm not home enough to even turn on my tv. The weekends, however, are another story. I love my DVR. I can keep up with Alias even though I'm rarely home by 9:00 on Wednesday nights. I can record QE for guys and girls. I can record anything and everything, then watch it all on Sun. afternoon. Yeah, so I'm still frying my brain, but at least I'm not getting daily exposure!

And so it begins... Again.

It's the first day of the semester. The students are all back and the drama has started. You know, this experience in the hands of a competent writer would be amazing. Life just isn't this interesting or dramatic after college. Well, I guess for some people it is, but they just get scary after awhile. Between living in a college dorm in my 30's and the 2 years I spent working in a prison, I have some amazing ideas for stories, but I'm not able to write them. When I worked at the prison, I would burn certain events and observations into my memory thinking someday I will have to write about this. I still remember with perfect clarity walking through the cafeteria at lunchtime watching the guys file through, the smell, the sounds, the guards. If I could conjure the elements of fear, oppression, rage and resignation with words, or the lingering smell of stale cigarette smoke that just clung to the walls, or experience of walking through the crash gates every morning and the anxiety caused by hearing them close behind you knowing you're spending the next 8 hous behind bars, but I don't know that I could ever convincingly put that experience into words. It's just too emotionally charged, and I can't describe emotion. Hell, most of the time I don't recognize an emotion when I feel it, so how am I supposed to write about it?
Sometimes I think there isn't much difference between college students and inmates. In both environments there is an element of "I don't give a fuck". In a prison setting, there is the false security of thinking you're the one in charge -- 2000 inmates, 200 employees working at any given time, less overnight. We're only in control because they let us. It's the same concept in a college dorm. As much as we adults like to believe that we're in control, the students only follow the rules because they choose to. And when you have a handful of students, like we have this year, who choose not to, well... then all hell breaks loose. And when it's a small dorm where the girls outnumber the boys 4 to 1, it just makes the world that much more interesting. It doesn't help that most of these boys are little cuties. And these are the most aggresive girls I've ever seen. It's pretty sad when the guys have to hide because they are afraid of the girls, but it's actually gotten to that point. It's an interesting dynamic. Maybe someday I'll find a way to write about it.

Sanity reigns

I thought I should try to write something thoughtful and somewhat intelligent after my novocain experiment yesterday, but I don't have much to say. For those of you who did read my novocain induced nonsense, I'm sorry. I was bored and couldn't talk, so it seemed like a good idea at the time.

I decided during my week off that I don't dislike my job as much as I thought I did. It's my boss I don't like. And, man, am I feeling that this morning! It's only an hour 1/2 into the workday and she's already driving me nuts! The beginning of the week was so pleasant without her here. I need to learn to ignore it and go on with my day, but she just picks and taunts until I want to lash out. I really don't like her!

Earlier this week I was dreading the return of the student body, but today I'm almost looking forward to it (if only because my student workers will return and I can get back to doing my own work instead of theirs!).

The boss is prowling again, I should get back to work.

Later that same day...

I decided to finish this entry after work hours. Novel concept, eh?

I didn't realize how much a week off revitalized a person. The week went by so quickly that I didn't really feel rested when it was over, but it has definitely made a difference. I think I've accomplished more this week that I have in the past couple months!

Having talked with several friends my age lately, I've decided that I've reached an age (yes J, I actually said it, I've reached an age) when nostalgia sets in and everything college is rosey and perfect. I don't know what it is about the early to mid-thirties that makes college "the good ole days", but almost everyone I know is getting all gooey over their college days. I guess there is some merit to it: rediscovering joys that have gotten lost in adult world. It's what made me decide to go out and discover the Dayton music scene. I loved live music and hanging out with musicians when I was younger. Just being an observer of the scene has enlivened me. However, there is a fine line between rediscovering things that brought you joy in your youth and trying to relive that youth. I guess that's what a midlife crises is all about, a denial of getting older and trying to act like a teenager again. Sometimes I think being in a college environment is not good for me, because I can live in a constant state of denial. I can act like I'm 18 and no one really bats an eye. I need to learn how to be an adult without losing the things that bring me joy. Being an adult doesn't have to suck. It's not always fun, but there is no law that once you become an adult everything has to be serious and you are required to sit at home alone every saturday night. I only know 2 kinds of adults, marrieds with kids who can't get out and people who think they're still 21 and party all the time.
I don't really know where I'm going with this, and if I continue I could be typing all night. I'm just trying to say that I need to learn how to merge the 2 concepts, being a mature, responsible adult who still knows how to have fun. I've got the responsible thing down. I've been nothing but responsible for many years now in an attempt to make up for many years of irresponsible, but I don't have the mature thing mastered and I need to learn to have more fun.

I'm not sure this is any better than last nights novocain induced ramblings (I had a root canal yesterday, I'm not just sucking on novocain for enjoyment), but again, it will do for now.

May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you're wonderful, and don't forget to make some art -- write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself.- Neil Gaiman

I have half a mind to get all reflective and philosophical on you, but I'll save it. I hope everyone had a happy and safe holiday season and 2005 brings you many blessings!