You know what the Monty Python boys say...

I got my wisdom teeth pulled on thursday. That was the highlight of my week. Okay, so the week wasn't that bad. I got to see my brother for a whole 5 mins. on monday before he went back to Wyoming. Other than that the week pretty much sucked. After many days of stress and stupidity, I informed everyone that I was not, in fact, taking the job at the bookstore. It went fairly well. The bookstore ladies were disappointed, and my co-worker was...well, let's just say she wasn't happy. I really don't want drama in my life. It's so not necessary.
Anyway, the teeth pulling wasn't such a bad thing. It gave me a good excuse to spend the weekend on the couch wathcing Buffy the Vampire Slayer on DVD. I had intended to read a book or two as well, but 22 episodes of Buffy plus commentary take alot of time. I only managed 12, as well as a couple episodes of Red Dwarf. I also made the mistake of watching the Rock flick Walking Tall. I should really read a book now.

So, the week sucked, my teeth hurt, and my life is becoming more dramatic than I care for. As they say, no one expects the Spanish Inquisition.

Days like these...

It's been a rough week. One of my co-workers tried to engineer my departure from the library. There is an opening in the bookstore for an assistant manager, so she went to the manager and told her I was interested without consulting me. The manager then went to her boss and everyone got excited that they would be able to hire from within without ever discussing the idea with me. Because I was feeling trapped, I decided to inquire about the position, thinking that if I'm obviously not wanted where I'm at I'd look to see if I should take the job. The job would require long hours, is salaried so I wouldn't get paid for the long hours, there is no pay raise or extra time off. There are no advantages to taking this job at all, not even the satisfaction of having a job that I like better. I talked to my mom about it, who was appalled I was being so meek. She told me her daughter would stay where she was out of spite! Well, I am staying, but not out of spite necessarily. If I decide to take another job, it will be on my terms and it will be a job I want to do, not just something I take to get away from a rabid co-worker. I'm sure the situation won't be improved by my decision, but she shouldn't be allowed to control my life like that. I don't cope well with hostility, and would prefer to just not have to deal, but if I'm staying I guess I'm going to have to learn.

On a happier note, I bought myself an early birthday present: an electric bass. I feel so much more comfortable with the bass than the guitar (10 years of violin and cello may be a contributing factor). It just makes me happy! Especially after learning the bassline to "I believe in a thing called love" by The Darkness last night. This is a good thing!

An uphill battle just got steeper

The National Trust

During my college years I managed to insinuate myself into the music scene at Ball State. I have many fond memories of bands long dead like Neurotic Box, Crank Pin and Fire Hydrant, Man (a Matt Hart band that for some reason is not on his bio. hmm...). Another band presumed dead was Freaks of Nature, or FON for short. They were a local favorite. Although they technically broke up my freshman year, they had several reunions, so I was privileged enough to see them play many times. Newly resurrected, FON is now The National Trust. I'm very excited to hear this new incarnation that includes Kris Roe of The Ataris. They will be releasing a cd sometime this year, but if you would like to listen to a preview check out their my space page.

And now for a word from our sponsors...

My 4 years of signing petitions against oil drilling in protected areas has begun. Please support the National Resource Defense Council's attempt to stop oil and gas drilling in Wyoming.

Most of us go to our grave with our music still inside of us. --Unknown

The sickness has finally caught up with me. I've survived all winter without a cold, and now that we're down to the end I get one. At least it's break week here, so I can suffer in relative solitude. I'm so melodramatic.

I went to see Movin' Out Saturday in Cincinnati. It was a good show. The dancing was phenomenal. Not that I'm really all that knowledgeable about such things, but it was fun to watch.
After the show, I went to my cousin's house to discuss the trip to Yellowstone this summer. About 45 minutes into the discussion my cousin decides she doesn't want to go because it's just too much nature for her. 3 days staying in a cabin in the middle of nowhere with only buffalo (and her family) to keep her company just didn't sound appealing to her. It sounds like heaven to me (except for the family part). The mountains and waterfalls, the wildlife and geysers, what more could you ask for from a vacation? She didn't like the idea of being so far removed from civilization. I love my cousin. She is an exceptionally cool person, except when it comes to vacation.

And speaking of nature. On my way out of town Sat. I saw a peregrine falcon sitting by the side of the road in the suburbs. I see falcon quite often on the highway, but this was the first time I've seen one in the city. I don't know why this was important to mention, but I feel better now.

When I got home Sat. night, a couple of my library boys came to my apartment for our first unofficial band practice. There's still a bit of teaching Erin how to play the guitar happening, but we actually wrote a song. Then one of them got the bright idea that we need to put together a cd, recorded on his computer, of course, since anything we write will hold no interest for anyone other than us. It's a concept piece, you see, all songs about working in the library. So we were all given the assignment of writing 3 songs this week. A task I feel is unrealistic for the lyrically challenged person such as myself, but I did manage to write a song today. It's a love song for the electric guitar I'm babysitting while it's owner is enjoying his mid-term break (we can't actually call it a spring break when it's the beginning of March). I'm sure he and the rest of the library boys band will find it very disturbing, but I think it's hilarious! "I cradle you in my arms/I stroke your neck/I pull your strings/I turn you on/ready to hear you scream". It's just so awful it's funny! I'm not so sure it's 19 year-old owner will find it quite so amusing considering it's his boss writing these things. It's probably crossing the lines of appropriate behavior actually, so I might not share it with them. It depends on how many more songs I manage to write this week. Anyone got any ideas?

End of the February blues...I hope

I'm at work against my will today. I desperately wanted to stay home, finish the book I'm reading and catch up on some chores that I ignored this weekend. But I had to remind myself if I want to take my trip to Wyoming in June, I have to work now. I only have so much vacation time, so I'm here trying to make the best of it.
The weekend was fairly enjoyable, but busy. Friday night I had an impromptu guitar lesson in the co-ed lounge and something just clicked. I've been struggling to learn guitar for a long time, and something about Friday night got me past the mental block. I've been playing every chance I get, making up songs since I can't play anything real yet. Thank goodness for tabs. My new favorite site is guitar tab universe. Although, until I can master chord transitions other than g, a and e I can't really learn anything interesting. Saturday I went on a Temple retreat where my rabbi told me I should be in a metal band. I found this immensely funny.
The retreat itself was okay. It wasn't what I expected, although I'm not really sure what I expected. It was held at the Bergamo Center which is a beautiful place, but kind of a strange choice for a group of Jews. I don't know that I really learned anything other than the disfunctional relationship between the clergy, but I'm still glad I went. And I might wander around Mount Saint John sometime when I have nothing better to do.
Saturday night, I went to see Shrug again. They played with Watershed, a band from Columbus. It was a good night, with good music and the crowd was much more animated than I'm used to at Canal Street. Even the singer, who is almost stoic on stage was more energetic than I've seen him before. Granted, I'm a late comer to the scene, so maybe he's just been in a funk the past few times I've seen them, but it was nice to see him look like he was enjoying himself. And now that I'm attempting to learn guitar, I'm watching hands trying to figure out chords and keys. The musician has been awakened. Beware!
Sunday was spent at the Flea Market hoping to find a very cheap electric guitar. Unfortunately, very cheap meant piece of crap, so I'll try a pawn shop sometime. I don't see the point of paying for a brand new guitar until I know I can play it.
Wow, this is downright verbose compared to the past couple months. I hope this really does mean that the winter blues are over, even if more snow is on the way.

****Haloscan seems to have returned and is working properly again, so comments are once open to anyone and everyone.

Haloscan freaked out on us this past week, so I made some changes to my blog to get blogger comments back. I don't like that only blogger members can leave messages, but few people outside my blogging circle bothered anyway, so I guess it doesn't matter. I wanted to change the whole blog. I looked through the templates blogger offers and they all look like resumes. I might do some searching later for other blog skins, but this will do for now.

I know I've been silent for the past couple weeks, but I still don't have anything interesting to say. I'm having a bit of a personal crisis that I can't really talk about here, and there's nothing else happening in my world to entertain you with. In the meantime, let me leave you with a some musical selections that have been getting me through my battle with the February blahs and Valentine's confusion:

Sick of myself by Matthew Sweet; all of the Green Day American Idiot CD; My newest discovery The Darkness - a band that reminds me so much of my high school hairband days, how could I not like them?; Fiona Apple Tidal, which I listened to for about a week straight. I hated this CD when it first came out and now it's like an obsession. Another recently redisovered blast from the past- Tracy Bonham. And finally, a man my brother introduced me to Richard Cheese.

So there you have it, my SAD therapy to get me through until spring. And hopefully sometime soon, I'll have something more interesting to write about.

I haven't posted much lately. I haven't been in the mood to write, really. Nothing exciting is happening in my world and my inner dialogue isn't appropriate for public consumption at this point in time, so what do I say? I'm only writing this much as a desperate attempt to avoid the Super Bowl. Although, now I'm feeling very lonely since the entire dorm is in the lobby watching the game. Do I endure the torture that is american football, or do I sit alone in my office feeling sorry for myself? Well, maybe I'll go back down for the halftime show. I wouldn't mind seeing Paul McCartney. I'm so glad football season is over after this!
That's all for tonite. Aren't you so glad I decided to share?

random post

Lately my blog has received several referrals from yahoo searches for things like "redheads and braces" or something similar involving redheads. Now, being the somewhat naive girl that I am, I decided to recreate one of these searches the other day. I'm sure some of you are way ahead of me here, but I will tell you I was shocked by the results of my search. I didn't realize men were so particular about their pornography that they'd go looking specifically for redheads and the braces thing is just disgusting (for those of you as naive as me, they are not referring to orthodonture). Then I got a little giggle out of the fact that some of these sicko's found my blog and probably got excited "ohh, a redhead dancing" only to be disappointed by what they saw.
Ah, the internet. Isn't it a wonderful thing?

"nice customs court'sy to great kings" - Shakespeare

Saturday evening I went to see Henry V at Cincinnati Shakespeare Festival. It was a pretty good production. Not great praise, I realize, but about as good as it deserves. I want to go back in March to see Much Ado About Nothing. It's supposed to be set after WWII, so it should be an interesting interpretation. When I got home, several students were having a snowball fight in front of the dorm. Two of my library boys were involved and they decided to get me as I was walking in, so I joined the fight. It was alot of fun! It's been years since I've been in a snowball fight.

If you are in the Dayton, OH area and have nothing better to do on a friday night, stop by Temple Beth Or for our 20th anniversary service. The choir (which includes yours truly) will be performing A Klezmer Service by Jose Bowen. It should be fun, even for those of the non-Jewish persuasion.

I know most people don't take horoscopes seriously. In my youth, when I dabbled in the occult, I studied and became a novice practitioner in the art of astrology. I have long since abandoned those beliefs, but I still get enjoyment out of reading horoscopes, if only to laugh at how badly they're done. My favorite is free will astrology, because the title says it all. Read with skepticism; you're still in control, but here's a head's up. I'm subscribed to his weekly mailing. It's the highlight of my wednesday morning to read his advice for the week. After my obsessive episode this week, I read in the horoscope: "If necessary, have a no-nonsense conversation with yourself in which you discuss all the reasons why the satisfaction of that longing is not at all crucial to your happiness or well-being, and why, therefore, you will never again indulge in a serious fantasy about it." Do think someone, somewhere is trying to tell me something?

Warning: candid female content

Sometimes I wish fewer men read this site so I could complain more about the pitfalls of being a woman, such as monthly hormone shifts. Although I know you all can relate. Anyone who has ever lived with a woman understands these things. I absolutely hate it! (And this is usually when I write the strangest and most embarrassing posts, tonite being no exception.) I don't comprehend why I cannot control my emotions or actions for that week. Why I always make the biggest fool of myself with boys that week. Why I even care about boys that week, when most of the time I can convince myself I'm perfectly happy being single. But for some reason, I'm terribly upset about that fact right now. And I'm fixated on someone, who on paper is the perfect man, but in reality is absolutely wrong for me. Okay, I'm not going any further with this.
I know all the biological reasons for it. I get that the balance of progesterone and estrogen change during menstruation and that plays havoc with one's emotions. I just don't understand why it has to be to the point that all judgment, reason, and rationality vacate the premises during the process.

Does this scare anyone else?

This blog journalism? You've got to be kidding me!

Ain't America grand?

Surreal Life

I am not a fan of reality television. I have not seen more than 5 minutes of Survivor, avoid the matchmaking shows like the plague and although I had two roommates addicted to American Idol, I managed to get through the entire season with minimal exposure. But to say that I am not a fan of reality tv is somewhat of a lie. I LOVE What Not to Wear, still watch Trading Spaces on occasion and find myself watching While You Were Out more often than I care to admit. Are these shows not considered reality tv also? They may be more acceptable in the grand scheme of bad television, but the fact remains, they are reality tv. If we hold to the old theory that trying one little innocuous thing leads to more and stronger stuff (insert drug analogy here), then TLC started an addiction that Bravo is feeding on. Yes, I will admit to watching Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. I even checked out the new Queer Eye for the Straight Girl this week. I can rationalize this behavior with excuses that these shows do have some redeeming value. Although I can't think of any off the top of my head, I'll make the argument anyway. I knew I had a problem, though, when I started watching Bravo's Project Runway. For those not familiar with this show, they take aspiring clothes designers, give them near impossible tasks to accomplish in no time, then their clothes are modeled for judges. Whoever designs the worse piece of clothing gets kicked out. So basically, it's Survivor in the Banana Republic. I don't know why this show appeals to me. I don't know why I'm admitting this.
To read this, one might think I spend most of my time in front of the tv. That's not true. Throughout the week, I'm not home enough to even turn on my tv. The weekends, however, are another story. I love my DVR. I can keep up with Alias even though I'm rarely home by 9:00 on Wednesday nights. I can record QE for guys and girls. I can record anything and everything, then watch it all on Sun. afternoon. Yeah, so I'm still frying my brain, but at least I'm not getting daily exposure!

And so it begins... Again.

It's the first day of the semester. The students are all back and the drama has started. You know, this experience in the hands of a competent writer would be amazing. Life just isn't this interesting or dramatic after college. Well, I guess for some people it is, but they just get scary after awhile. Between living in a college dorm in my 30's and the 2 years I spent working in a prison, I have some amazing ideas for stories, but I'm not able to write them. When I worked at the prison, I would burn certain events and observations into my memory thinking someday I will have to write about this. I still remember with perfect clarity walking through the cafeteria at lunchtime watching the guys file through, the smell, the sounds, the guards. If I could conjure the elements of fear, oppression, rage and resignation with words, or the lingering smell of stale cigarette smoke that just clung to the walls, or experience of walking through the crash gates every morning and the anxiety caused by hearing them close behind you knowing you're spending the next 8 hous behind bars, but I don't know that I could ever convincingly put that experience into words. It's just too emotionally charged, and I can't describe emotion. Hell, most of the time I don't recognize an emotion when I feel it, so how am I supposed to write about it?
Sometimes I think there isn't much difference between college students and inmates. In both environments there is an element of "I don't give a fuck". In a prison setting, there is the false security of thinking you're the one in charge -- 2000 inmates, 200 employees working at any given time, less overnight. We're only in control because they let us. It's the same concept in a college dorm. As much as we adults like to believe that we're in control, the students only follow the rules because they choose to. And when you have a handful of students, like we have this year, who choose not to, well... then all hell breaks loose. And when it's a small dorm where the girls outnumber the boys 4 to 1, it just makes the world that much more interesting. It doesn't help that most of these boys are little cuties. And these are the most aggresive girls I've ever seen. It's pretty sad when the guys have to hide because they are afraid of the girls, but it's actually gotten to that point. It's an interesting dynamic. Maybe someday I'll find a way to write about it.

Sanity reigns

I thought I should try to write something thoughtful and somewhat intelligent after my novocain experiment yesterday, but I don't have much to say. For those of you who did read my novocain induced nonsense, I'm sorry. I was bored and couldn't talk, so it seemed like a good idea at the time.

I decided during my week off that I don't dislike my job as much as I thought I did. It's my boss I don't like. And, man, am I feeling that this morning! It's only an hour 1/2 into the workday and she's already driving me nuts! The beginning of the week was so pleasant without her here. I need to learn to ignore it and go on with my day, but she just picks and taunts until I want to lash out. I really don't like her!

Earlier this week I was dreading the return of the student body, but today I'm almost looking forward to it (if only because my student workers will return and I can get back to doing my own work instead of theirs!).

The boss is prowling again, I should get back to work.

Later that same day...

I decided to finish this entry after work hours. Novel concept, eh?

I didn't realize how much a week off revitalized a person. The week went by so quickly that I didn't really feel rested when it was over, but it has definitely made a difference. I think I've accomplished more this week that I have in the past couple months!

Having talked with several friends my age lately, I've decided that I've reached an age (yes J, I actually said it, I've reached an age) when nostalgia sets in and everything college is rosey and perfect. I don't know what it is about the early to mid-thirties that makes college "the good ole days", but almost everyone I know is getting all gooey over their college days. I guess there is some merit to it: rediscovering joys that have gotten lost in adult world. It's what made me decide to go out and discover the Dayton music scene. I loved live music and hanging out with musicians when I was younger. Just being an observer of the scene has enlivened me. However, there is a fine line between rediscovering things that brought you joy in your youth and trying to relive that youth. I guess that's what a midlife crises is all about, a denial of getting older and trying to act like a teenager again. Sometimes I think being in a college environment is not good for me, because I can live in a constant state of denial. I can act like I'm 18 and no one really bats an eye. I need to learn how to be an adult without losing the things that bring me joy. Being an adult doesn't have to suck. It's not always fun, but there is no law that once you become an adult everything has to be serious and you are required to sit at home alone every saturday night. I only know 2 kinds of adults, marrieds with kids who can't get out and people who think they're still 21 and party all the time.
I don't really know where I'm going with this, and if I continue I could be typing all night. I'm just trying to say that I need to learn how to merge the 2 concepts, being a mature, responsible adult who still knows how to have fun. I've got the responsible thing down. I've been nothing but responsible for many years now in an attempt to make up for many years of irresponsible, but I don't have the mature thing mastered and I need to learn to have more fun.

I'm not sure this is any better than last nights novocain induced ramblings (I had a root canal yesterday, I'm not just sucking on novocain for enjoyment), but again, it will do for now.

May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you're wonderful, and don't forget to make some art -- write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself.- Neil Gaiman

I have half a mind to get all reflective and philosophical on you, but I'll save it. I hope everyone had a happy and safe holiday season and 2005 brings you many blessings!