Monday, April 21, 2008


I'm starting to put together my summer reading list. I don't know how much time I'll have to read since I'll be taking 2 semesters of Spanish in 12 weeks, but I'm determined to get through as many books as possible. I think I'll read a Toni Morrison book, although I don't know which one. I want to read Julie Andrews' autobiography. And, maybe some throw away fantasy book, 'cause I haven't read a fantasy book in a long time. But after that I'm at a loss. Anyone have any suggestions?

Sunday, April 20, 2008


Isn't it strange how a chance encounter can boost your ego? Then, after some time has passed, you realize your new found confidence is really just false bravado. Nothing has changed.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

catching up

It's been awhile since I've written, so here's a recap of the past few weeks:

I did get to see Shrug play. It was a great show, and for once I wasn't there alone. Shannon and Chad joined me. We had fun, but I didn't get home until 3:30 am, then turned around and went back to Dayton to go shopping with my mom. Then life got crazy. Papers, tests, homework and illness kept me away from my blog.

Last week, my brother was here for a visit. I spent much of the week in Dayton hanging out with him and mother. Hopefully, next summer mother and I will be able to go to Jackson to visit him.

Oh yeah, somewhere in there I had a birthday.

Now for the present:

Now that I'm quickly approaching the 80lb mark, people are noticing and commenting on my weight loss. Most people are supportive and encouraging, but I have run into a few people who can only see the down side. The strangest part is seeing the changing attitudes of people around me. For example, there is a woman on campus I had met awhile ago, even had lunch with her, but when I saw her last week she asked if we had met and was far nicer to me than she had ever been before. And then there is the guy who is avoiding me. The more weight I lose, the more distant he becomes. It makes me sad, because I consider him a friend. Then there are the people who are fawning over my changing body. I went to a shindig for the Temple last night. I was all dressed up, made up, and looking pretty good. People kept complimenting me on my weight loss and telling me how good I looked. I'm not used to getting attention like that. It's a little uncomfortable, but it's very encouraging. It's nice to know people can see the difference, not just in my appearance, but my attitude as well.

So how am I reacting to the changes? Well, I'm obviously very happy with the results so far. I enjoy life more. And I'm becoming a little bit vain. My obsession with make up has returned, and I want my clothes to look nice, not just fit. That, however, is a bit of a challenge since most of my clothes are hand-me-downs and thrift store finds. There isn't any point in paying mall prices for clothes that I'll only be able to wear for a month or two before I move on to the next lower size.

The change that surprises me the most is my attitude towards the opposite sex. I'm so used to being the unattractive one, so I haven't worried about attracting a man for some time now. When the guy at the mall asked for my number the other night, I realized that there is a whole new world open to me. And when I saw a friend at the party last night, I thought there might be some hope yet...

The world is becoming a brand new place for me. I hope this version is kinder than the last.