Wednesday, September 21, 2005

around the world in 80 minutes

I went to an international adoption seminar this past weekend. I have been thinking about this for a couple of years, but never really felt ready to be a mom. But out of curiosity, I went to the meeting. I was impressed with how honest the agency was about the conditions the children lived in and the possible health risks of those living conditions. I had read several articles of the horrors of international adoption and how unscrupulous agencies try to convince you of how wonderful the whole process is, but not this agency. It's a complicated, time consuming and ridiculously expensive procedure. I talked to my mom about it and her great advice was to go get artificially inseminated if I wanted children that badly. It'd be cheaper, she said. Yes my mother, who does not want to be a grandmother, gave me that piece of advice.
I was talking to a woman I work with who told me my biological clock has kicked in. So this is what it feels like...
After much deliberation, I decided not to be a mom. At least not now, and not by myself. I started back to school for a reason, and having a child would interfere with that goal. I might never be a mom, but I can be the doctor my Jewish family so desperately needs!

Monday, September 19, 2005

and now for a word from our sponsors

I had to turn in some poems I've written for my independent study, so I decided to post them here as well. Just thought I'd warn ya...


I'm just a woman
symbolism is not my strength
my words spill forth
full of meaning but without disguise

there are so many words
locked up inside my head
where there are too many
places to hide

when the words finally flow
they do so with simplicity
no allegory or metaphor
just a girl speaking plainly

I try to be clever
when it comes to love
I try to be obscure
when the words are written for you

but in the end
there is only truth
and those words
aren't ready yet

Self Portrait

she has a beautiful soul
underneath the wool and burlap
but she hides in her mud hut
afraid others will see
the patina on her halo


Oh glorious night
cold wind whipping through my hair
the chill takes my breath away
it's almost enough to make me forget
images of love
unrequited emotion
boddhisatva hidden behind the snow

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Your Brain's Pattern
You have a tempered, reasonable way of thinking.You tend to take every new idea in, and meld it with your world view.For you, everything is always changing. Each moment is different.Your thinking process tends to be very natural - with no beginnings or endings.

Sunday, September 11, 2005

The week in a life

Sunday at work. This will be my life until I finish school, whenever that will be. It's not so bad. Sundays are quiet in the library, so I spend my day catching up on work I can't do through the week. And I take time to post here. Everyone deserves a break in the workday, right?
School has definitely disrupted my life. I have time for nothing. I spend all my free time studying (I actually kinda enjoy it, but I don't like to admit it - except sociology, which is going to bore me to death before the semester is over). My week is spent trying to work full time, go to class, volunteer at the art institute, choir practice, hebrew lessons and the occasional outing with my friends. I love Saturday. Saturday is the only day I have absolutely nothing to do.
This weekend LaToyia and I went to the Italian Festival. As with all festivals, it was just an excuse to drink alot of wine and eat "authentic" italian food. We walked around the booths and left shortly after arriving. We ended up at an italian restaurant instead. Not sure of the logic there, but LaTotia wasn't impressed with the festival in the least and wanted to go someplace familiar. I didn't care. It was just good to be away from the dorms.
Speaking of the dorms, I have a new nickname from the RA's - The Enforcer. It was a joke during dorm orientation that has stuck. The students don't know my name, but they remember the enforcer, so that's what I hear when I walk through the halls. It's better than the lame Housing Monitor title the Dean's came up with last year.
So this is my life, school, work, supervising a dorm in my off hours and a tiny little social life. Don't you envy me?

Sunday, September 04, 2005

Goin' to the chapel

Went to another wedding today. I'm getting a cultural education this summer along with my wedding attendance. First it was the Filipino wedding in Chicago; today it was an African-American wedding in Columbus, OH. I love being one of a handful of white people in a room full of blacks. We should all be in the minority once in a while (although a Jew at a Christian wedding is a bit of a minority situation in and of itself, but that's another story). I love all the "amens" and "yeahs" that pop up from the congregation. It's so foreign to me, but it's kinda fun. Yes, I just said church is fun, don't tell my rabbi :) Anyway, it was a beautiful wedding. The bride is a former student at the college where I work. I'm not sure how I feel about these kids getting married before me, but she's so happy, so it's hard to complain. And thank goodness this wedding was only an hour from home. No out of state trips to unknown territory and no bleepin' toll roads! Afterwards, my friend and I hit the upscale mall for some window shopping. A walk through Saks is a wonderful way to spend an afternoon. Looking at all the things I'll never be able to afford, and probably wouldn't buy even if I could. Thank goodness tomorrow is a holiday. A chance to catch up on chores and homework I've put off all weekend.
New cd of the moment: Bob Mould Body of Song. Love Bob, not sure what I think about this cd.