random thoughts

Sometimes I get upset at the twists and turns my life has taken. When I think about the lost opportunities and wasted potential, or the lost relationships and those that never came to fruition, I want to go back and do it over. There are days that I would be willing to give up the life I have now to start again and do things differently. Then there are days, like today, when I realize that everything is alright. It's not perfect, and it's certainly not the life I imagined. There are still many aspects of my life I want to be different, but it truly is never too late. Ok, so I'll never be the rock star I wanted to be as a girl, but the playing and performing of music was always more important than fame and fortune. Why can't I start a band in my 30's and just play for the fun of it?
As for all those boys I pined for, I really think they are better off where they are, with their spouses and families. I have given up too much of myself in my quest for survival, I can't imagine giving up more to be with someone I was never meant for. I am better off alone than with the wrong man, and if I end up alone - I'm ok with that (most days anyway).
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm doing well. I'm learning to let go of things I've been holding onto for too long, and hopefully those ideas, emotions, etc. will be replaced by something infinitely better.