Tuesday, September 22, 2009

getting ahead of myself

I had a truly frightening thought while I was delirious on codeine cough syrup - I'm going to be 40 in 19 months. 40! 30 didn't bother me. I was almost relieved to reach my 30s, but 40 is a different story. At least I still look 25 :)

Anyway...part of my midlife crisis was the decision to go to grad school regardless of location or funding (the regardless of funding part is pure delusion - funding is a huge issue!). Right now the contenders are: University of Wisconsin, University of Manchester, UK and University of Sydney, Australia. U of Wisc has one of the leaders in the field, if not THE leader in the US, for what I want to study - Enlightenment v. Nazi views of Jews as citizens - so that's my #1 pick for now, but studying European history in Europe would be cool. I was surprised that Australia would even have a Jewish Studies program since there aren't many Jews there, but who am I to complain? I think I need to visit the school!

Also an issue in my freakout was the looming loneliness of being single, but I have accepted my life as a spinster (or whatever the proper term would be for the modern era). I plan to enjoy the single life by seeing the world and having experiences I wouldn't be able to have if I was tied down to a family. Hopefully this will quiet the biological clock and repress the envy I have of my friends with families. And maybe I can even make them envious of me :)

Ok, midlife crisis post over.