Monday, January 12, 2009

here it is

My year in review:

This post has been bubbling in my brain for weeks.  I really did intend to write it on my one year anniversary, but this crazy Ohio weather has had me feeling less than spectacular.  Let's see if I can remember what I wanted to say.

First, I have no regrets!  Regardless of what people might think of bariatric surgery, I am happy I did this.  Although I'm not where I want to be yet, I feel infinitely better than I did just a mere year ago.  I can move.  I can walk.  I can breathe while I'm moving and walking!  I can do yoga and kickboxing (which I was supposed to begin tonight, but now have to work late).  Even my voice lessons have gotten easier because I can breathe so much better.  I have dropped 7 pant sizes, gone from a 7 1/2 WW shoe to a 7 M (one of my motivators for the surgery was my big fat feet.  Not only because I couldn't find shoes wide enough, but also because I couldn't reach them!).  Shopping is starting to get fun!  Now if only I had the pocketbook to keep up with the wardrobe changes! From a physical standpoint this has been one of the best decisions I have ever made.

Now, from an emotional standpoint, it's not so easy.  When researching the surgery, I read all about the emotional fallout.  People (like me) who are emotional eaters have to find new ways to deal with their emotions.  I didn't really have a problem until I reached the 100 lb mark.  For months, I've been trying to figure out what was happening.  Last week, I had an epiphany.  I have been overweight since high school.  I've always been the fat one.  So much so, that it started to define who I was.  After losing weight, that definition had to change, but to what?  I have spent so much of my life thinking of myself in terms of my weight that I never stopped to think of any of my other qualities.  I am now at a place where I need to redefine myself in a positive way, which is terribly difficult for someone who has focused on the negative for such a long time.  

There I go being depressing again...Like I said, I have no regrets!  I am a stronger person both physically and emotionally (despite the recent insight).  And I'm really looking forward to reaching goal!

Friday, January 09, 2009


I stole this from eggface.  I added a comment or two of my own when necessary.  Sometimes it's good to remind ourselves where we've been.

Worst things about being fat:

I always thought one of the worst things about being fat was that other people knew my "issue" I mean most people have "issues" but they don't surface till you get to know a person... mine were right there on my backside, on my stomach... 100+ pounds of issues. They knew I was out of control and every other good thing in my life was negated because of that.

Other things that sucked about being fat:

-Having to drive around for "diva parking" because walking across the parking lot was tiring.
-Going shopping with friends and only being able to buy purses.
-When people you were with asked for a booth and you weren't sure you could fit.
-Going to concerts and not being able to fit into the t-shirts.
-Being hot all the time.
-Narrow aisles in stores (especially antique stores many times my butt almost took out a breakable or two)
-Weighing at the Dr. office and seeing them move that little metal weight over one more notch.
-Being limited to three clothing stores.
-Not getting much play anymore ;)
-People analyzing what you order at restaurants. Forget going into an ice cream shop.
-Airplane bathrooms. Enough said.
-Tray tables on planes and sitting in the middle seat.
-People always saying, "You have such a pretty face."
-Walking by a group of teenagers and hoping they didn't make comments.
-Having pictures taken.
-Ordering things like special shirts for an event or bridesmaid dresses.
-Those desks with attached chairs at University.
-Not fitting on roller coasters and amusement rides.
-Getting into contortions to paint my toes (or just to put on socks).
-Worrying when I heard a creak in a chair.
-Backseat seat belts.
-Old-fashioned movie theater seats and stadium seating.
-Packing a small getaway bag is impossible. 2 garments took up the whole bag.
-Summer clothing (sleeveless, short, revealing, definitely not fat-friendly)
-Never getting a piggy back ride or being swept off my feet.

I'm sure there are many more and it's been therapeutic making this list so as I think of more I'll add to it.

I never want to forget.

Thursday, January 08, 2009

one year

Today is one year anniversary of my surgery.  If I were in a more reflective mood, I would write a year in review of sorts, but I'm not, so I won't.  However, I couldn't let the day pass without mentioning it.