thoughts while listening to Tori

I've been writing this in my head for a week, but wasn't really sure I wanted to post it. I decided, however, that whether or not any of you need, or want, to read it, I need to write it. So, here it goes:

Monday night as I was driving home from Cinci after meeting Sherman Alexie, I toyed with the idea of writing a book of my own. After about half an hour of formulating a story in my head, I realized that I am not a writer. First of all, I'm completely incapable of developing a character. I know this because I've tried. Secondly, although I enjoy writing, it is not my passion (to use an Oprah expression). Feeling a little despondent, I asked myself for the millionth time what my passion is. What is it that consumes me so completely that I can see myself happily doing it for the rest of my life? I've never been able to come up with a satisfactory answer to that question in the past, but last Monday night, driving on a country road in the middle of nowhere, the answer came to me. It was so obvious that I had to wonder why it took me so long to figure it out. Judaism. My passion is Judaism.

I've known for a very long time that I've wanted to be a member of the clergy. Even back in my Wicca days, I wanted to be a priestess. I actually considered going to seminary at one point, but thought better of it when I realized I'd have to convert to Christianity. I might've taken the scenic route to Judaism, but it is my cultural and genetic heritage. So, when I started thinking about becoming a rabbi, it made sense to me logically. I am a Jew and I want to be clergy. I never realized that was where my passion lies. But when I finally made the connection, it was a "well, duh!" moment. I can actually justify to myself why I want to do this. It's not just intellectual curiosity. That is part of it. But mostly it's the desire to share my faith, my knowledge and my passion with others.