I don't really have anything to say, but I've been neglecting my blog too long. So here goes nothing.

I'm too lazy to cook for myself, or pack my lunches. It takes a whole minute for me to get home, but instead I go to the cafeteria. I don't know why. Take a look at today's menu for instance:
Vegetable Soup, Creamy Zucchini Soup, Country Health Loaf, Carne Con Pappas, Rice with Corn and Asparagus, Zucchini Provencal, Broccoli Spears, Savory Lentils, Salad Bar, Peanut Butter Chewies, Low Fat Cherry Pie, Red, White and Blue Cookie
I don't even know what some of that stuff is. Country Health Loaf? Carne con Pappas? Yeah, I'm excited about lunch. Salad, anyone?

okay, not the most exciting post, but this is what I live with. Someone teach me how to cook!

Not again

My mother is back in the hospital. This time for suspected heart failure. I will update as we know what's happening.

*Update*

My mom was discharged after a battery of tests showed there is nothing wrong with her heart. However, the reason she went to the emergency room in the first place, shortness of breath, was never addressed. They did find fluid in her lungs, but nothing was done about it. They just sent her home! Very frustrating!

"I'm so much older than I can take" - The Killers

Friday night. I can't sleep so I've been playing on the internet. Went to Shrug's website. Can't wait for the show on Jan. 14! Then found myself on the Fabulous Johnson Brothers site. The Jbros are friends from high school and I've never seen them play. They will be playing a show on my birthday this year. I'm so excited. I've been thinking about having a birthday party this year, and now I can have a party and see my boys! I'm a strange one. I don't freak out over birthdays on the decades. No, I get crazy over the 5 years. I had a breakdown on my 25th birthday, so who knows what this year has in store. Hopefully a large crowd of old friends will ease the pain. If some new friends would like to join us, leave a message, I'll tell ya where and when. In the meantime: Happy New Year!

toys for young and old

When cell phones first became popular, I was adamantly against owning one myself. I was annoyed at all the people on their phones at the grocery and the mall or while driving. I didn't see the need to carry my phone around with me, since I don't much like having one at home. But then I got roommates. 3 girls, one phone line. It just seemed to make sense to have my own phone, so I broke down and joined the cell phone revolution. It has now been two years, and last night I was eligible for a new phone. For someone who grudgingly bought her first cell phone, I ran to the Verizon store last night for my new phone. I researched all day to try to find the best phone and so I didn't sound like a complete idiot at the store. When I got there, the sales clerk talked me into (it wasn't that hard, really) the newest and the best Verizon had to offer. I left the store with my brand new video phone with VCast and Blue Tooth. Granted, I have no need for most of the bells and whistles. Hell, I don't even know how some of them work, but I can set MP3's as ringtones and that's all that matters. Right?

why I hate politics

Try, try again

Last night was the dorm Christmas party. We couldn't have timed it better with the first snow storm of the season. We had catered food from a local Italian restaurant and watched movies. We watched Christmas with the Kranks which has to be the worst movie I've ever seen. I certainly hope the book it's based on is better, but I doubt I'll ever read it. I've come this far without reading a John Grisham book, I don't plan to start now.
The snow was beautiful. I went for a walk last night. Between the fresh snow and all the lights around the campus, it was very scenic.
Now I'm at work. The snow wasn't enough to cancel classes. How I long for a snow day!!

A word of advice

When you go to the library and ask the librarian for help finding a book, don't tell her "it's a white book and I found it on the bottom shelf last time", because we haven't figured out a way to catalog books by color. It just doesn't work that way. If you've had the book before, try to remember the stupid title. I can't go to the card catalog and type in "white book on bottom shelf" and magically come up with the book you're looking for. Get it? Good!
When closing the library yesterday, I saw someone left a note on the whiteboard in the study room-"hurry Christmas break". I'm so ready for a break, so please, hurry Christmas break!!!

Random post

Hello to all those faithful readers of the Critic who have found your way to my little blog. You will not find the intellectual ranting here. In fact, you will find very little intelligence here.

For awhile I felt I needed to justify keeping this blog going to myself. I started it when I applied for a job in Wyoming, thinking it would be a good way to keep in touch with friends and family when I moved across country. A year and a half later, I'm still in Ohio and finding myself with no time to write. Mostly because I don't want to bore the occassional reader with my tales of non-traditional student life, but since that's all I got, that's what you'll get from now on. Tales of work and school. Doesn't that sound exciting? And maybe someone out there can help me with algebra.
Thanks for stopping by, and please leave a message.

A place where I belong

All my life, I've felt like an outsider. I've never really felt like I belonged anywhere I was. I think this week I figured out why.
This past week, the college photographer was in town. He is trying to grow dreads, which I admit don't look great at this stage, but everyone at the college was aghast at his hair. I'm not so sure the look suits him, but I wasn't pointing and laughing with everyone else. I personally think the guy is attractive, dreads or not. He explained, when someone asked about his hair, that he is from San Francisco and he is perfectly normal there. So maybe that's my answer. Not San Francisco, necessarily, but I need to move out of the midwest. I don't know that I want to live in a real city, but I think I need to be in a more metropolitan area. That might not be the answer to all life's problems, but it could be a place to start. The real question is, will I actaully move?

No time

School is overwhelming. I've got nothing else to say. Okay, alittle more. I managed to see Green Day during mid-terms. It was an excellent show!! Although I know I'm getting old now, because I kept thinking, "it doesn't really need to be THIS loud". My ears were ringing for days! Still, probably one of the all time best shows I've been to. Now back to reality. School, work and dormlife.
Shanah tovah (hey I'm only a week late).

around the world in 80 minutes

I went to an international adoption seminar this past weekend. I have been thinking about this for a couple of years, but never really felt ready to be a mom. But out of curiosity, I went to the meeting. I was impressed with how honest the agency was about the conditions the children lived in and the possible health risks of those living conditions. I had read several articles of the horrors of international adoption and how unscrupulous agencies try to convince you of how wonderful the whole process is, but not this agency. It's a complicated, time consuming and ridiculously expensive procedure. I talked to my mom about it and her great advice was to go get artificially inseminated if I wanted children that badly. It'd be cheaper, she said. Yes my mother, who does not want to be a grandmother, gave me that piece of advice.
I was talking to a woman I work with who told me my biological clock has kicked in. So this is what it feels like...
After much deliberation, I decided not to be a mom. At least not now, and not by myself. I started back to school for a reason, and having a child would interfere with that goal. I might never be a mom, but I can be the doctor my Jewish family so desperately needs!

and now for a word from our sponsors

I had to turn in some poems I've written for my independent study, so I decided to post them here as well. Just thought I'd warn ya...

Untitled

I'm just a woman
symbolism is not my strength
my words spill forth
full of meaning but without disguise

there are so many words
locked up inside my head
where there are too many
places to hide

when the words finally flow
they do so with simplicity
no allegory or metaphor
just a girl speaking plainly

I try to be clever
when it comes to love
I try to be obscure
when the words are written for you

but in the end
there is only truth
and those words
aren't ready yet


Self Portrait

she has a beautiful soul
underneath the wool and burlap
but she hides in her mud hut
afraid others will see
the patina on her halo


Winter

Oh glorious night
cold wind whipping through my hair
the chill takes my breath away
it's almost enough to make me forget
images of love
unrequited emotion
boddhisatva hidden behind the snow

Why did this make me laugh?

Your Brain's Pattern

You have a tempered, reasonable way of thinking.You tend to take every new idea in, and meld it with your world view.For you, everything is always changing. Each moment is different.Your thinking process tends to be very natural - with no beginnings or endings.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

The week in a life

Sunday at work. This will be my life until I finish school, whenever that will be. It's not so bad. Sundays are quiet in the library, so I spend my day catching up on work I can't do through the week. And I take time to post here. Everyone deserves a break in the workday, right?
School has definitely disrupted my life. I have time for nothing. I spend all my free time studying (I actually kinda enjoy it, but I don't like to admit it - except sociology, which is going to bore me to death before the semester is over). My week is spent trying to work full time, go to class, volunteer at the art institute, choir practice, hebrew lessons and the occasional outing with my friends. I love Saturday. Saturday is the only day I have absolutely nothing to do.
This weekend LaToyia and I went to the Italian Festival. As with all festivals, it was just an excuse to drink alot of wine and eat "authentic" italian food. We walked around the booths and left shortly after arriving. We ended up at an italian restaurant instead. Not sure of the logic there, but LaTotia wasn't impressed with the festival in the least and wanted to go someplace familiar. I didn't care. It was just good to be away from the dorms.
Speaking of the dorms, I have a new nickname from the RA's - The Enforcer. It was a joke during dorm orientation that has stuck. The students don't know my name, but they remember the enforcer, so that's what I hear when I walk through the halls. It's better than the lame Housing Monitor title the Dean's came up with last year.
So this is my life, school, work, supervising a dorm in my off hours and a tiny little social life. Don't you envy me?

Goin' to the chapel

Went to another wedding today. I'm getting a cultural education this summer along with my wedding attendance. First it was the Filipino wedding in Chicago; today it was an African-American wedding in Columbus, OH. I love being one of a handful of white people in a room full of blacks. We should all be in the minority once in a while (although a Jew at a Christian wedding is a bit of a minority situation in and of itself, but that's another story). I love all the "amens" and "yeahs" that pop up from the congregation. It's so foreign to me, but it's kinda fun. Yes, I just said church is fun, don't tell my rabbi :) Anyway, it was a beautiful wedding. The bride is a former student at the college where I work. I'm not sure how I feel about these kids getting married before me, but she's so happy, so it's hard to complain. And thank goodness this wedding was only an hour from home. No out of state trips to unknown territory and no bleepin' toll roads! Afterwards, my friend and I hit the upscale mall for some window shopping. A walk through Saks is a wonderful way to spend an afternoon. Looking at all the things I'll never be able to afford, and probably wouldn't buy even if I could. Thank goodness tomorrow is a holiday. A chance to catch up on chores and homework I've put off all weekend.
New cd of the moment: Bob Mould Body of Song. Love Bob, not sure what I think about this cd.

Ode to a boy

When did I become the man?
Why am I doing the chasing?
Where are the flowers delivered to my door?
Where is the poetry written for me?

This is not love,
at least not the love I'm looking for.
You can write your own ending.
My story lies elsewhere.

Someone else's art

I had to write a book review for work today, so I thought I'd share the product of my work with the relatively few complete strangers who stumble across my blog (where did all my friends go?). It's all just silliness anyway. I hope you enjoy my first foray into book reviewing.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince by J.K. Rowling

Book 6 of this controversial series sees Harry back at Hogwarts for his sixth year. The wizarding world is now fully aware of Voldemort’s return and the Muggle (non-magical) world is also at risk. Safe within the confines of the school, Harry and his friends, Ron and Hermione, can only read about the atrocities happening out in the world. But is Hogwarts really safe? Voldemort’s supporters are everywhere and Harry’s convinced his nemesis, Draco Malfoy, is among them. Book 6 is much lighter in tone than book 5, but the story doesn’t lose any of its momentum.
In Harry’s sixth year, the lines between good and evil seem to be clearly drawn, and Harry learns more than just the standard curriculum. Dumbledore gives Harry private lessons, teaching him the secrets of Voldemort’s immortality and how to ultimately defeat him, setting the stage for the final book in the series. The ending is shocking and distressing for regular readers of the series, but like all good coming of age stories, the ending makes sense in the greater context.
Harry Potter continues to be a fan favorite, making The Half-Blood Prince a must read for any Harry Potter fan.

Elephant Stew

I went to Chicago this weekend for a wedding. A traditional Filipino Adventist wedding. It was beautiful, if not a bit bizarre. And the part of Chicago we were in was gorgeous! Dayton doesn't have money like that! I hate Chicago, though. I hate driving in Chicago. I hate the toll roads. I hate the traffic. I hate the lunatic drivers. I was so excited to go, because I haven't been in years, then I got there and remembered why I stayed away for so long! I didn't do any sight seeing at all, so I'll eventually have to go back, but I need time to mentally prepare for it :)

On the drive, I listened to one of my new cd's that I've become absolutely addicted to. The artist is Rachael Yamagata. She is being compared to Fiona Apple, Norah Jones and Sarah McLaughlin, which are 3 very distinct artists in their own right. So, yeah, she's a chick with a piano and a sultry voice. That's about where the comparisons end. Her music is kinda funky, jazzy, pop-y, bluesy and even a little country. It's not quite as mature as Sarah, not as rough around the edges as Fiona and not quite as jazz inspired as Norah, but if you like the genre, then definitely check her out!

The things we do to keep ourselves entertained at work.

Back to normal, if that's what you call this...

Thanks to those of you who expressed concern about my mother. I shouldn't have left that sitting there for so long without following up. Last week was horrific! My mom spent 2 days in the hospital, but no one knows why she was having pain. Her heart is perfectly healthy. That's the good news! She now has to follow up with several doctors of varying specialties to figure out what's wrong. Meanwhile, she has this mild pressure in her chest that's almost constant now. She's not concerned, though. She feels as long as her heart is healthy she is a step ahead of her family history!
This week is much better comparatively. I just spoke with the instructor who will be teaching my independent study in poetry. I'm very excited about this class. I think I'm actually going to learn something! I have entirely too much on my plate for fall, a full-time job, 9 semester hours and a potential part-time job, not to mention choir, Hebrew lessons and other Temple related activities. If I'm not already crazy, I will be after September. Strangely enough, I'm looking forward to the chaos. I want to be so busy I don't have time to think about anything extraneous. It will either be good for me, or I'll be writing these during my breaks from my rubber room!
Something I learned this past week, and it shocks me that I am capable of understanding this, is to find joy where I can because if I wait for it to find me I'll be miserable forever. Yes, I know it sounds like a hallmark card, but it's really a revelation for me. I guess the anti-depressants are working.
2 days of work, then I'm off to Chicago for the weekend. More later...